Tonight is the first of the presidential debates. And since American politics lately have done nothing to merit any respect of any kind, we here at the Middlest Child have decided to profane this event as an excuse to get black-out drunk. I give you, the Presidential Debates Drinking Game:
Change = drink
Hope = drink
McCain uses an outdated word = 5 drinks
McCain mentions being a Vietnam Vet = 5 drinks
McCain flashes his serial killer smile = drink
Every time you catch yourself staring at McCain’s jaw instead of listening to what he is saying = drink. And repent. You’re a bad person.
Every time McCain tries to “extend” his “arms” = chuckle then drink.
Every time you feel your soul being sucked away by the eyes of Cindy McCain = 2 drinks
Every time you grow an erection from how presidential Obama sounds = drink/touch yourself
When Obama gets rolling and starts to sound like a Baptist preacher = drink.
Follow up: If you can’t restrain yourself from yelling “Aaaamen!” after he
finishes = finish your drink
Either candidate mentions Ole Miss football as a cheap way to get applause = 5 drinks
If a candidate’s response dodges the question so blatantly that the moderator either calls him on it or just laughs = 5 drinks
Sarah Palin reference = drink
Hillary Clinton reference = drink until you have beer goggles
Logical fallacy/non sequitor in argument = drink/hang your head.
If the phrase “The horrible attacks of 9/11” is used verbatim = finish your drink/get over it.
If Paris Hilton is even fucking mentioned = finish the bottle and blow your goddamned brains out.
“Don’t you EVA pull that shit again, or Im’a bring the power of thirty Gods down upon yo’ cracka ass motha Fucka.”
“EVA”? What are you Peronists? Jezuz Fuck.
Do you guys really know internetz protocol? Sheesh. Here’s the proper re-write.
“Don’t you EVAR pull that shit again, or I’m-a gonna bring down the power of that God all the crackers are talking about down upon yo semi-white, mostly black ass, Muthafucka.”
(How the fuck do you confuse McCain’s and Obama’s skin color? If you meant for Obama to be the speaker, you don’t know satire, ya simple cunts.)
I was born before there were such things as PCs or Macs. You asshats ought to be ashamed. Go take twenty drinks apiece. And don’t forget to call 911 right around the time you take the 7th drink so that the emergency room is ready to pump yer stomachs.
Fucktards.