After the training montage had ended, Jared sat exhausted, physically and mathematically. He was tired of his life in one day taking twist after twist, he was tired of questioning his sexuality, he was tired of Bravo’s programming, but most of all he was tired of lame unimaginative penis jokes.
“Fuck this! I can’t do it! I’m not The One Dale-dad! What I am even supposed to be ‘the one’ of?”
Dale looked away, hoping that he wouldn’t have to tell him so soon. “Son, prepare yourself for this. I know this isn’t easy.” He sighed, lowering his head under the gravity of the words he was about to speak.
“You were sent here to save the world….from Global Warming.”
Jared blinked. His father looked up. Jared waited. Blink.
“That’s it? I’m here to solve Global Warming.”
“Son, don’t take this lightly. It’s a very serious issue that affects all of us. Haven’t you seen ‘An Inconvenient Truth’?”
“Yes, I’ve seen ‘An Inconvenient Truth!’ I just thought I would have to save the human race from some evil immortal sorcerer hell-bent on consuming the souls of the weak and innocent or something like that.”
“But you’re a vampire. You aren’t technically part of the human race. Plus how do you destroy something that is immortal?”
“I don’t know! I was just giving an example!”
“Well son, words are the only form of communication we have that allows to really express what we truly mean with some element of objectivity so you should-”
“Will you shutup about the sorcerer example! I don’t give a shit!”
“This is not the way I raised you, Jared.”
“I met you 15 minutes ago.”
Jared sighed. Of course he would go on to solve global warming. He wasn’t about to disappoint his father the first day meeting him. That was something that sons have to earn, years later, after getting a degree in English from an expensive private university for which their fathers had postpone retirement a decade to be able to afford to send them there.
Jared would always be remembered as one of the most important humanitarians of his time, who also happened to be one of the shittiest vampires in ancient lore. And possibly a closet homosexual.
The End.
Just taking the time to say Nice blog … great post. All the best matey.